Temporary Measures

[azekeil]

I haven't thanked people for their kind, thoughtful and useful comments in my journal of late. So, thank you. And thank you too to kissycat1000 who understands what I need. I have offered comfort and advice to so many people so many times before now; it's still so disarming when it happens to you though. I am not sure how things will pan out at present, but I am considering More Drastic Action to help with my current situation, ranging from visiting the doc, to taking holiday of some form, to.. well.. just about anything.

In the mean time, following a suggestion from kissycat1000, I plan to use my journal to document my feelings. They'll be in locked posts, and (nearly) always behind a cut. I considered (am still considering?) setting up another journal for this purpose but in all honesty this journal really is me. And me isn't too great right now, but I want to remain true to that. It'd be like denying that these feelings are me, despite the fact they're a symptom of depression.

I guess I just want to say feel free to skip over them, they're really just for me anyway. Anything in them that makes reference to things in my life are likely to be a) twisted, b) imagined, c) not true or d) all of the above. So please don't take offense. If you'd rather not see them, let me know (although I'd prefer not to have to set up filters or feel I have to filter out aspects of my life for anyone etc, but I respect people's right to choose whether to read them or not).

Comments

[lilitufire.livejournal.com]

I've certainly found my journal very therapeutic and a good way to document feelings. It's also been a diary of a journey - it's very interesting sometimes to go back and read it.

May the same be true for you.

[aeia.livejournal.com]

Meant to comment on the last post. Here's my 2p's worth.

Medication: is a great crutch when you really cant do the day to day things to survive. Best to use as last resort (and yes I have been there). You could try St Johns Wort.

What your friends said about making a list is a good idea. I know its something I must do. But sometimes just doing that can feel like too much of a challenge.

Whatever, getting better has to come from YOU. Only you can change the way you're feeling. Its a tough lesson to learn :(.

Thought about seeing a counsellor? Friends are great to talk to but a counsellor can help. They know how to be completely unjudgemental, make you question why you feel the way you do and sometimes find some answers that you'd never thought of before. Leave a comment if you're ineterested as I can recommend a cheap and good service in Bristol.

Exercise: Something I'm not too good at, but physical and mental wellbeing are linked more than we like to think. Also eat well, try taking fish oil suppliments which are good for the nervous system.

[azekeil.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I'm at the stage where I realise I need a Plan™ to get on. I'm just trying to collect some willpower together to get on track.

[azekeil.livejournal.com]

Well, yes, but I think I'm a lot happier to accept them now than before. My current state of mind is Not Useful.

[ninneviane.livejournal.com]

I considered (am still considering?) setting up another journal for this purpose...

It's funny you saying that, I've been considering similar...
I've being toying with the idea of setting one up purely to deal with my feelings, thoughts etc to do with M...keep them separate...the diary of having lived with and loved someone with N.P.D.
**smiles**
But then, isn't that what my LJ has always been?

Thing is, I get fed up of having to stick posts on filters, and I'm pretty sure people on my LJ don't want to read about it anyway, but there may be people that do...those who have gone through similar.
There isn't even a community on LJ for those who have been through what I've been through?
There are communities for just about every other P.D, but none for N.P.D. However, sadly there are far to many for self claimed Narcissists. Just scanning through a couple of them had my skin crawling :(

Maybe I should just keep my 'N' posts in this LJ, as I've always done, only do what you've done...warn people that they're coming (not that I think you needed to **hugs**). I suppose I could place a little phrase in the subject field that lets everyone know it's an N.P.D post...just in case they do want to skip it.
I have found myself needing to get memories, thoughts, observations and feelings out of my head and down in print, yet find myself pausing, and often don't post at all on the subject. I can feel that it's doing me no good. Yes, I should be trying to remain positive, my LJ should reflect that for the good of my mental health, but this feels like an forced state of denial.

Anyway, back to you...**grins**...I do think it'll help you to document your feelings...and it also gives people the chance to offer you support, when you need it...as you have done for so many others **hugs**

[azekeil.livejournal.com]

Thanks :)

[blaadyblah.livejournal.com]

At the risk of sounding trite...
"It's your damn journal!"
You write whatever the hell you want/need to write in it hon.
AFAIC you're my friend, and that means the angstier depths of you too - I'd no more expect you to filter or edit your LJ than I would expect you to leave your left leg at home when you visit ;)
(((azekeil)))
Feel better soon.
xxx

[azekeil.livejournal.com]

Heh thanks :)

[chocojon.livejournal.com]

I'm not always good at this sort of thing (i.e. helping people's troubles) but I'll try to offer suitable advice.

I wouldn't recommend setting up another journal since you'd have to separate posts into the relevant journal and you are who you are. Everyone has good times and bad times. Separating them into good/bad (whatever split you choose) might show you later all the bad things without any of the good things.

For life: maybe see little things that are good and being thankful for them. One big thing that you may or may not be aware of is: There are lots of people out here that are concerned for your welfare, even if it is not said all the time.

I hope that things get sorted out for you soon.

[azekeil.livejournal.com]

Thanks Jon. My life may be manic, but you always seem to be there. I appreciate that, and you :)