azekeil: (Default)
[personal profile] azekeil
I have been meaning to write this for some time. I have been off from work since the beginning of the month, and I won't start work again until I start my new job at Messagelabs on the 26th. During this time off I have relaxed, done really not a lot, got on with personal projects, let my place go a bit, played computer games, bought stuff I've been thinking about buying for ages and not felt guilty about any of it. It's been a really rejuvenating time.

Physically I still feel really quite run down, but this last week should hopefully sort that out.

But it got me thinking. You know sometimes when you just want to scream "Stop the world, I want to get off!" - well, I'm living that now, sans guilt. It's a wonderful relaxing feeling. I know I always feel very drained when I'm working - both mentally and physically. This manifests in not really being my whole self. I can't admit to having been 'my whole self' during this time off though, as instead of work I have the recovery from my tonsillectomy to cope with.

I find that the mere act of going to work and working within parameters set out by my job leads to me feeling distinctly uncreative in any artistic area (not that I was hugely creative to begin with). During this time off (and prompted by a documentary about a modern day iron age settlement and that interesting historical science series) I realised that I could start my 'middle age crisis' early, as the metal-working equipment I need (at least to start with) is not at all prohibitive or hi-tech. This makes me very happy as it gives me something to aim for once the house is somewhat done, and will be a wonderful (and physical) creative outlet for me :)

Having a house with a garden makes it possible to keep and use some of this sort of equipment here :)

Date: 2005-09-20 04:35 pm (UTC)
cryx: Me, infront of a wall, with surprisingly dark hair (Default)
From: [personal profile] cryx
That sounds excellent. Good luck with creativity!

Date: 2005-09-20 04:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] azekeil.livejournal.com
Ta. Do you (or anyone else reading this) find that work tends to stifle your creativity?

Date: 2005-09-20 04:41 pm (UTC)
cryx: Me, infront of a wall, with surprisingly dark hair (Default)
From: [personal profile] cryx
i certainly did in my old job. This one not so much i dont think. but on the other hand it doesn't encourage creativity. I think it's there to be used, but it doesn't occur to me, and yet i find i'm happier when i do.

I find making icons scratched my creativity itch...

Date: 2005-09-20 04:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] azekeil.livejournal.com
Hm I think my creativity wants something a bit more real-world tangible than pictures.. plus I don't think I'd be any good at it!

Also, I do think I have a 'feel' for metal working, and I've found it quite theraputic and pleasing to see your designs take shape under your hands :)

Date: 2005-09-20 04:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dylan.livejournal.com
Be careful, it starts off as metal working in the garden, then you build a workshop, the workshop turns into a lab and before you know it you've created a monster

Date: 2005-09-20 04:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] azekeil.livejournal.com
Damn! You've uncovered my secret plans for world domination! Ack. I'll go and turn myself in now for crimes I was planning to commit in the future.

Date: 2005-09-20 05:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stuartl.livejournal.com
I already have that report.

Date: 2005-09-20 06:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stuartl.livejournal.com
Of course.

You're currently under observation.

Date: 2005-09-20 06:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] azekeil.livejournal.com
Heh. I'll try to file regular reports at a web space near you ;)

Date: 2005-09-20 07:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stuartl.livejournal.com
I've heard there are online sites that allow you to post log entries as often as you desire. There are rumours that some of them allow other people to comment on those entries, inducing public discussion of the topic.

Date: 2005-09-20 07:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] azekeil.livejournal.com
The future is now baby! ;)

Date: 2005-09-20 07:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stuartl.livejournal.com
That's a bugger. That means I've already missed the future.

Date: 2005-09-20 07:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] azekeil.livejournal.com
No, the future is.. now.

Date: 2005-09-20 07:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stuartl.livejournal.com
Damnit! I still missed it.

Date: 2005-09-20 07:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] azekeil.livejournal.com
Too slow!

Date: 2005-09-20 04:58 pm (UTC)
cryx: Me, infront of a wall, with surprisingly dark hair (Default)
From: [personal profile] cryx
oh yes, i wasn't suggesting icons for you. no, i've seen the pentacle you made KC. You should go for it!

Date: 2005-09-20 04:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dylan.livejournal.com
Hehe, welcome to my life ;)

Date: 2005-09-20 04:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] azekeil.livejournal.com
Yes, I know, we're all very jealous. Oh, but wait. You've just jacked it all in for the rat race ;)

Date: 2005-09-20 04:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dylan.livejournal.com
D'Oh!

I think I've given that reply to all of your comments this week *amused*

Date: 2005-09-20 04:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] azekeil.livejournal.com
Well, I may be laughing on the other side of my cheek (or whatever the expression is) but it's just such a radical departure from what I know of you the opportunity has to be taken to mock you ;)

Date: 2005-09-20 04:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dylan.livejournal.com
Hehe, mock away while you have the chance ;)

Oh GOD yes!

Date: 2005-09-20 05:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sarah-mum.livejournal.com
That's *exactly* how I've felt about work for the last few months. Which is why I just had to do the leap of faith thing and decided to leave.
Hell I even described it as 'having a mid-life crisis early' as well (though not really all that early!)
Creativity, or at least the idea that one has done something 'worthwhile' is a very strong urge, and acting on it is essential.

I saute you, and look forward to seeing you forge something interesting out of this. Not so much *pints* as *Cuppa and welding goggles*?

Re: Oh GOD yes!

Date: 2005-09-20 05:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] azekeil.livejournal.com
Heh, cheers :) I think it's definitely a healthier way to think about things. However, I do enjoy my work, I just don't like the way it alters my mentality towards things.

Date: 2005-09-20 05:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stuartl.livejournal.com
What are you planning to create?

Date: 2005-09-20 06:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] azekeil.livejournal.com
Initially, probably just a coal-fired forge with forced air feed. I'll start with a small one, and use a small lump hammer and something resembling a small anvil.

If not, then I'll start with something I can do small castings on.

I need to do more research before I decide exactly where to start.

Date: 2005-09-20 06:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stuartl.livejournal.com
What you need to do is use the exhaust gases from the furnace to drive a turbine force feeding the air into the fuel.

Of course Sir Frank Whittle might have something to say about your invention...

Date: 2005-09-20 07:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] azekeil.livejournal.com
If there's any sort of hammer work involved that unfortunately won't work as the forge will have to be open to allow me to insert/remove the piece multiple times.

It might work for a casting furnace.. but I'll probably stick to the old hairdryer / vacuum cleaner motor idea.

Date: 2005-09-20 07:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stuartl.livejournal.com
I wasn't being entirely serious. I think running a jet engine in the garden would annoy your neighbours somewhat.

Almost as much as the garage door HiFi test CD...

Date: 2005-09-20 07:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] azekeil.livejournal.com
Uh, it wouldn't make as much noise as a vacuum cleaner motor. It would have to be fairly low-powered anyway, otherwise I'd not get a long enough burn, and it would be too hot.

That garage door was quite amusing :)

Date: 2005-09-20 07:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stuartl.livejournal.com
In hindsight I can see the amusement of making [livejournal.com profile] stuartl jump three feet in the air. My ears have never been quite the same ;)

Date: 2005-09-20 07:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] azekeil.livejournal.com
*grin* That certainly cleared the stuffing out a bit didn't it? ;)

Date: 2005-09-20 11:34 pm (UTC)
gerald_duck: (devil duck)
From: [personal profile] gerald_duck
*Bang* *Bang* *Bang* *Bang* *Bang* *Bang* *Bang*

Date: 2005-09-20 11:41 pm (UTC)
gerald_duck: (sunset)
From: [personal profile] gerald_duck
A good job is a precious thing; I hope you like your new one.

Get it right, and your job is an outlet for invention and self-expression in and of itself (there's a reason Knuth talks about the art of computer programming). And it doesn't inexorably absorb the entire of the rest of your life, making you a slave to the job.

Get it wrong, and you're about as fretful and miserable as I was at the start of the year.

I can think of at least one person who would lynch me if I were to say the right job is more important than the right S.O., and indeed it's not true. But I suspect it's a closer thing than most people expect. (-8

Date: 2005-09-21 08:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yellowraver.livejournal.com
Ooh cool, good luck with it sweetie :)

I am glad you have had a good rest, you sounded like you needed it :)

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