A thoughtful post after the weekend

[azekeil]

After what I feel was quite a successful first LAN at our house (no network, computer, power or seating problems; we stopped playing near midnight on Sunday!) I find myself in a thoughtful mood. Possibly it's to do with lack of sleep ;)

At any rate, I find I have a few things that I've learned over the years which occasionally I find is relevant to mention to someone else. These things may not apply to anyone but me, but perhaps they may give others a different perspective:

• Never say never. It is my belief that if you believe you know how you will feel in the future then you may as well end it now. To me, life is all about learning and new experiences - if you think you know how you'll feel in 5, 10, 20 or 40 years time then you have my deepest sympathy. Perhaps an example of this is 'turning out like your parents' - when you were teenage you really didn't believe you'd turn out like your parents or want to turn out like them, but more and more as you grow up you recognise things in yourself that you saw/see in your parents.
• Having a good perspective is all important. This allows you to centre yourself with your ethics and beliefs and help ensure that you treat others well and recognise when others are not treating you well, amongst other things.
• Moderation in all things, especially moderation itself. Sometimes it's nice (necessary even?) to indulge - after all, we're only human!

So, and the real point to this post, what things have you guys learnt that you wouldn't mind sharing? They may not be relevant to anyone other than yourself, so don't feel silly or shy about posting. I'd like to know, and I'm sure others would enjoy it too!

Comments

[nairoz.livejournal.com]

Try anything once (within reason) is probably the most useful lesson I've learnt. Obviously, doing anything too risky or harmful isn't encouraged, but apart from that, what've you got to lose by trying?

Just because you might not like something is no reason to not try!

[azekeil.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's a good one :)

[gerald_duck]

On the other hand, I have too much to do even with stuff I know I'll enjoy.

[gerald_duck]

I never say "never", but I seem to manage a smooth gradation of certainty about where I'm headed, from an extremely good idea how the next 24 hours will turn out to some better-than-vague ideas for things it would be nice to do in retirement. As things become more imminent, I get a clearer idea how they go. So, while saying "never" would be wrong, I suspect my intentions shift sufficiently gradually that it would be hard to spot I'd been wrong. (-8

[azekeil.livejournal.com]

Nice, but possibly limiting if you can't easily see where you've had presumptions that have turned out to be incorrect?

[gashinryu.livejournal.com]

I always liked the Mark Twain quote, "When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not."

Really, I've leaned many things in my life but among the most significant is this. There's no great secret to it. There's no amazing revelation...no key to unlock the workings behind life. You live it in the best way you can, accept that things are going to happen that are beyond your control sometimes and just enjoy it.

I'm still testing the theory that it may be possible to live on beer and RAWK! alone, mind. The testing has been intensive and shows no sign of a breakthrough yet, but I'm sticking with it for the good of mankind. :-)

[azekeil.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I like the down-to-earth part of it. It's actually quite empowering, in an odd kind of way.

Living on beer and RAWK! alone is a noble cause. Just don't overdo it - moderation in all things ;)

[gashinryu.livejournal.com]

Ah, but this is why this sort of research should only be carried out by professionals. My immunity to hangovers is one of my greatest qualifications. ;-)

[azekeil.livejournal.com]

Heh ;)

[sepheri.livejournal.com]

I never (oops, I said "never" ;P) assume I am going to know how I feel in 5, 10, 20 or 40 minutes lat alone years. Different situations, people and circumstances can change everything. And turning into my parents is a very good reason why I choose to work my way through an initiatory system, to cleanse myself of learnt ideals and work out what I want for myself. I don't want to turn into anyone expect for the best me I can possibly be.

The best thing I have learned is to embrace change and new opportunities when they appear out of the blue. To never look at things as endings but as new adventures. I used to be far too controlling and get very upset when plans were changed, I'm still not great at it but often now I can shrug something off when it doesn't work out and look out for what that means I can do instead. Wanting to do millions of things all at once and having many wide and varied interests certainly helps.
Also, there is usually something worthwhile you can get out of any activity of you look at it in the right way.

[azekeil.livejournal.com]

Hm, that's an interesting thought. I don't mind having aspects of my parents; I quite like who they are and believe it's a valid part of who I am that doesn't define me all by itself.. although I'm not really sure if I have learned how to work out what I 'want for myself' though - I'd be interested if you could expand on that, both what you mean as a general concept, and specifically what you've worked out for yourself..

I have to say I admire your philosophy on looking for the opportunity within everything and your broad set of interests. I think I do a reasonable amount of positive thinking myself :)

[sepheri.livejournal.com]

Don't get me wrong, I think in many ways my parents are excellent people and were they not my parents they are people that I could see myself wanting to know. There are values that I have learned from them that I feel to be extremely important and I thank them for a lot of what they taught me.

However they also have certain ways of dealing with circumstances that I find to be totally counterproductive. I have often been very shocked to hear myself reacting to things in a certain way and realising that it was not helpful to have reacted in that way and that the only reason I had done that was because that is what would have happened in my parental home. Learned responses to things can often be counter to what an individual truely wants and it is easy to get stuck in old modes of thinking purely due to a lack of questioning, and then no one gets anywhere but repeats the mistakes of previous generations.

I am certainly not saying that anyone not doing things the way I do it isn't questioning and making their own decisions. I am saying that for me, certain initiation rituals that have been developed over a very long period of time specifically to in a sense re-wire the brain have given me the ability to identify more of the unhelpful learned responses and free myself to achieve things I didn't previously think possible.

Do I sound like a loon now?

[azekeil.livejournal.com]

Heh, no :) Well, yes, but a lovely loon nonetheless ;)

I think I either don't recognise any learned patterns in myself (perhaps an overlooked aspect of self-perspective?) or I managed to avoid them by lacking social integration during my formative years.

I'd still be interested in learning what you mean by what you 'want for yourself' - do you want to email me? :)

[sepheri.livejournal.com]

I can still just about get away with being a loon 'cause I'm pretty ;)

I discovered, and still often discover, that I just hadn't previously recognised them.

I could but I'm not sure I would be any more helpful. Its all about 'True Will' and Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law and the rest of the stuff that we Thelemites spout on about and I am nor sure if I have the tools to explain what the concept of true will might be. Maybe if you tell me what you don't understand about it I could attempt to answer it.

[azekeil.livejournal.com]

I guess the general explanation I'm looking for is understanding how and where you started looking for what you want. It's such a broad and nebulous concept to me that I feel I have to start by narrowing it down. Is what I want a thing, a state of being (spiritual) or a lifestyle? How can I even start answering that question? Most of the time nowadays I simply enjoy the company of good friends, playing games and having a laugh. Preferably all together at the same time :)

The second part of my question is, what did (does) 'want for yourself' mean specifically to you?

[sepheri.livejournal.com]

Ok, I can answer those...I think. Expect email sometime this afternoon :)

[sepheri.livejournal.com]

Actually, it might not be this afternoon after all but it will be there soon.

[azekeil.livejournal.com]

Aw, no rush. :)

[malcygoff.livejournal.com]

LAN++ :)

I like your points, especially the one on moderation. Personally, I think that it's the key to many parts of life. Anyway, just three things to add to the list of advices:

- Just Do It:
no point waiting for a better time to do something, just get it done.
- Don't take it too seriously:
The more important it is, the less stress should be involved.
- Decisions, Decisions:
Be decisive, quick decisions that are 50% right are better than ones that are a 100% right but too late

[azekeil.livejournal.com]

I like all those, and hadn't consciously thought about the last one, but it certainly is a good idea.